7 Quick Tips for Bouncing Back After a Toxic Relationship

You walk into a relationship with so much enthusiasm. You think what you’ve found is the best thing in the world. You start to dream of a great future together. And then it all goes wrong. Sadly, we’re frequently the last to know when a relationship is toxic. Our self-worth has already taken a hefty blow by the time we escape.

So, how do you restore your self-esteem and a positive outlook on life after a toxic relationship? Here are seven quick tips to start the journey toward healing and rebuilding your self-worth. This journey is not just a means to an end but a transformative process that will help you become the best version of yourself. Some of these tips can be implemented immediately, while others will require time and healing. I encourage you to embrace this journey to wholeness. It is a worthwhile endeavor that will empower you to be the best you that you can be.

1.     Release Your Victimhood

The more you focus on what happened, the more you get stuck, so the sooner you can quit revisiting the past and dwelling on perceptions of ill-treatment, the sooner you’re going to put all this behind you. This doesn’t mean to say this was your fault, but obsessing about the ‘shoulds’ and going back over every encounter will only hurt you regardless of whether you were right. Face up to what happened; if it helps, see a counselor or therapist to work through some of the pain to understand how it all happened, and then safely move forward to an improved and wiser you.

2.     Drop the Blame

Was it your fault? Absolutely not. In any broken relationship, both parties bear some responsibility, but you are not to blame for the other person's actions. The sooner you can release any lingering guilt or negative feelings about the relationship, the more you can focus on your own happiness. The next step will guide you in this process.

3.     Silence Their Voice

The problem with toxic relationships is you tend to believe what the other person said about you, no matter how outlandish it seemed at the time. Now, their voice is there, lurking in your head to remind you of all your so-called shortcomings at every opportunity. It is time to leave them in the past - time to silence them once and for all. When you hear their voice criticizing you, speak the opposite over yourself. Tell yourself that you are intelligent and can do anything you put your mind to. Speak to yourself the opposite of what they spoke over you, and you will begin to silence their voice and build your self-belief.

4.     Embrace the New You

Find joy in being single. Spoil yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do. Take lessons, and build your skill set as you build yourself up. Become your own best friend in a way that doesn’t require validation from any outside source. Dance that dance, take that course, go on that trip, and live life to the fullest.

5.     Believe Your Friends

You hear their compliments, but they go in one ear and out the other. Start listening rather than brushing off the nice things people around you are saying. Listen until these words become a part of who you are. Agree with them and start speaking these out yourself regardless of whether you feel it. Your confidence will be restored, and you will begin to feel the difference as you continue speaking and thinking good things about yourself.

6.     Create Goals You Love

What would you like to do with your life? Too often, our goals reflect the needs and desires around us. Now is the time to reverse this. Accepting you are capable and your goals are worth fighting for, what do YOU want to do? Write a list of ten things you would like to accomplish. Put in high-level goals as well as short-term easy wins. Now, put a plan in place to begin achieving each goal.

7.     Affirmations

Work through the worst offenders of negative self-talk through positive affirmations. Take note of what you’re telling yourself. Rewrite the script and turn these statements into affirmations you read to yourself daily. Write them out and put them where you will see them regularly. Maybe stick them to your mirror or on your fridge.

Remember, this is a process and is likely to take time. By reminding yourself of how amazing you are and focusing hard on these steps, you will eventually start feeling the difference, even if you don’t see it yet. Hang in there!

For self-coaching tips, go to www.philkinney.com